Self love, as a ritual
A reflection on self love
Thrusted into change
Desperately searching for answers after a painful breakup, I found myself on the slippery slopes of a youtube worm hole, and with most mindless scrolling, my saving grace appeared in the ‘up next’ sidebar of a random video.
I sought and I found. Finally some fucking hope.
After clicking on the face of a sincere looking middle-aged woman with a bright Aussie accent, I listened as she carefully read a letter from one of her subscribers regarding the successful attempt of manifesting a sp (specific person) into their lives. Manifesting a sp? This curious language lowkey sounded like some occult shit, and with that she had my full attention.
That one video quickly turned into a binge watching sesh over the next few days. I dove deep into her channel, inhaling the message of self love peppered throughout most of her videos. Glancing at the impressively positive comment section, her subs professed with enthusiasm how their personal experience of practicing manifestation techniques changed their life; often with their desires materializing once they committed to loving themselves first.
All growing exists outside our comfort zone. — humble the poet
As bad as my logical brain wanted to write this off as wishful thinking, it felt too good to ignore. Question was, what was I manifesting? Another relationship? A healthier situation? Should I even be manifesting at all? According to Ms. Vivarelli’s message, what was important was establishing a strong foundation of SL(self love), first.
I can’t front, I felt like a desperate doggo eager to heal some fresh wounds, and licking them my self wasn’t helping. At this point I made up my mind to go all in.
After that door to SL was acknowledged and opened, I was lead to a deeper understanding of an essential practice.
Some notables:
- Came across *Agnes Vivarelli’s youtube channel which was my 101 intro to SL.
- I devoured the book ‘Love yourself like your life depends on it’ by Kamal Ravikant. who shares his personal journey with self love and how it serves as the basis of any [successful] relationship.
- At the end of my first reiki session ever, and after letting me know nearly all my chakras were closed and dusty, my practitioner (now teacher) handed me a slip of paper inscribed with a couple affirmations to accompany on my healing journey. A feel good reminder delivered right on time.
“I am loveable & worthy of my own love.”
“All is well. All is well. Everything is working out to my highest good. Out of this situation, only good will come & I am safe.”
Establishing a ritual
The importance of a ritual in our daily(and spiritual) lives serves as a lifeline to the divine. As mentioned in this wonderful post by Mama Donna Henes, “We do not need to follow a set of hand-me-down observances, preprescribed formulas…in order to develop and express a relevant, resonant ritual manifestation of our own true best selves… We each have within us the resources based on our own unique life experiences to create an eloquent ceremonial order to our own existence.”.
For my self, practicing a ritual has given me a stronger intuition, sense of self, and a deep trust of life in general. Because we’re all at different places along our journey, when it comes to establishing a ritual for loving ourselves, it’s completely at our own pace and looks unique.
First thing in the morning, ideally before reaching for my phone (a real struggle these days I admit) I light my candles, put myself in sage mode, and begin my rituals:
- Meditate to a sound bath or in silence, 30 minute minimum
- Visualize and sit with a desire (i.e. a feeling of contentment, a scene with my specific person, a goal wanting to be accomplished, etc.) 5 minute
- Journal about any insights, messages, personal material that shows up.
- Morning and evening prayer giving thanks for all blessings.
- Mirror affirmations (can be modified to self-talk affirmations if i’m driving for example) 5 minute
- Write *a vow to myself and place somewhere it would be seen regularly. i.e. I vow to let my light shine.(I’ve set mine as my iPhone lock screen)
It’s important to notice how you’re feeling along the way of establishing a ritual, if something isn’t serving you, feel free to calibrate and experiment.
Another key thing to note is to not get obsessive or rigid with your rituals. The point is to be flexible and continuously stay open to flow of life. For instance, if part of your ritual is to take a nap daily, but a long time friend asks to hang out during nap time, you can always nap after.
What it’s done for me
At first it felt really awkward staring at myself in the mirror saying how much I love me, and trying to visualize and feel my way into a desire. Essentially I knew this was a gradual attempt to reprogram my own thought patterns & beliefs, and with that my mind ran rampant with resistance and self-criticism. Eventually committing to these new practices for a few weeks, my mood and outlook started shifting. I felt light and clear, not so clouded and low. Finding this path was intuitive for me, but walking it still requires patience.
Coworkers who were before very distant were now opening up to me. I noticed myself giving thanks for so much everyday. I finally had a generous amount of tolerance for other peoples crap driving. I was freely giving and receiving hugs from my loved ones easier. Loneliness, lack of love, what’s that? I was steady filling up my own cup again.
Practice almost makes perfect
So the SL practices were effective at getting me back to, well me; it doesn’t discount the fact that it requires consistent effort, primarily in the beginning. With daily bombardment of low vibration messages floating in our atmosphere from negative news coverage, global oppressions, and social pressures; a regular SL practice contradicts those messages. It keeps us receptive to the flow of love in our life at a constant rate, leaving very little to no room for bullshit.
When our cups filled with love, there’s really no room for anything less.
We are actively inviting more of what we give ourselves. **It’s as if our world is an exact reflection of our inner world. For example: if our inner world is full of peace then we’ll find continuous evidence of peace in our outer world as we walk through life.
The world is a mirror, forever reflecting what you are doing, within yourself. — Neville Goddard
What it is and isn’t
SL is caring for you first. It’s understanding that taking care of you, allows for you to care for others in a similar capacity.
SL isn’t a destination nor is it a road meant to be traveled solo. As described in this post, the road stretches for a lifetime. And with a journey this long there’s no need to deprive ourselves of traveling with someone who’s down for the journey. They could turnout to be our perfect co-conspirator.
What if we were taught to cultivate that same love we desire from another, within ourselves first?
What would this world look and feel like?
What would your world look and feel like?
With Love + good vibes
Gaelan
Extras & references
Listen with me: Introspection by Fabian Küpper
*Section ‘Thrusted into change’, Agnes Vivarelli is an advocate for the metaphysical teachings of Neville Goddard, Abraham Hicks, and more.
*Section ‘Establish a ritual’, ‘the vow’ is a practice from the book ‘Love yourself like your life depends on it’
- Ravikant, Kamal. Love yourself like your life depends on it. Createspace, 2012.
**Concept from ‘Live in the End’, a lecture by Neville Goddard.
- Goddard, Neville. “Live in the End” Live in the end, 1968. Lecture.
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